1 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,554 {\an8}Reno, this is 41-Frank-15. 2 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:16,223 We're in hot pursuit of a white echo 3 00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:18,308 license Nevada. "I-M-A--" 4 00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:20,561 - It's a vanity plate. - It's a vanity plate. 5 00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,688 I'm, I'm, uh... 6 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,481 - I'm a, I'm a... - I'm a, I'm a... 7 00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:26,483 - I'm a X-C. - I'm a double-X. 8 00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:28,110 I'm an X-X-Y. 9 00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:30,487 I'm a hermaph... I'm a hermaphrodite? 10 00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:31,989 What the hell is that supposed to mean? 11 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,240 Crap! He's stopping! 12 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:51,258 {\an8}Hey, dog. Yeah. 13 00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,348 {\an8}'Shots fired.' 14 00:00:58,349 --> 00:01:00,769 {\an8}Oh, oh, oh! 15 00:01:26,377 --> 00:01:28,296 'Watch commander to the bridge.' 16 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:34,676 Hello, everybody, I'm Dr. Barnes 17 00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:37,179 and I have, uh, the results of your, uh-- 18 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,389 {\an8}Dr. Barnes, I just want to let you know right away 19 00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:42,476 that, um, if you found any THC 20 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:44,394 any marijuana in my blood, or urine 21 00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:47,022 I just want to say 22 00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:50,192 that I had to bust up a party the other night 23 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,861 where there was a lot of pot-smoking going on, so, um... 24 00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:53,862 Alright. 25 00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:56,406 Not-Not that you're gonna find anything like that 26 00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:58,367 in my blood or urine 27 00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:00,828 but if you did, that would be the reason. 28 00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:01,870 What was your name again, ma'am? 29 00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:02,621 Uh, Clementine Johnson. 30 00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:05,207 Clementine, yes, yes, you do have 31 00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:07,417 a-a-a small, trace amount there. 32 00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:09,878 'I-I would not take that sort of order again' 33 00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:11,421 of being busting a place with a lot of pot in it 34 00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:14,675 because, uh, uh... 35 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:15,759 you-your being pregnant and all 36 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,761 'that could have some sort of effect.' 37 00:02:18,763 --> 00:02:20,389 No. That is a mistake. 38 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,891 These are, uh, very accurate tests, ma'am. 39 00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:24,768 You're not, you can't be right about that. 40 00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:27,938 Not to be indiscreet, but what were you doing seven weeks ago? 41 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,064 Ooh, ooh! 42 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,692 Congratulations, girl! 43 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,402 Don't say that. No, no. 44 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:36,196 - Welcome to motherhood. - Shh. 45 00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:38,407 'Well, we have, um, a few other things to do' 46 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:41,243 but, uh, none of them include, uh, disrobing. 47 00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,619 I don't know why you're all, uh, sitting here 48 00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:45,080 with your clothes off. I didn't, uh-- 49 00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:48,709 Why are we sitting here with our clothes off, Dangle? 50 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:49,751 Lieutenant? 51 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,336 When we came in he was in his underwear. 52 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,713 You were already in your underwear. 53 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,131 When we came in, so I just thought-- 54 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,258 Well, uh, I don't have to explain myself. 55 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:59,803 {\an8}I-I-I don't, I don't feel the need to explain myself. 56 00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:06,310 {\an8}How we doing today, ma'am? 57 00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,562 {\an8}- Just fine. How are you? - I'm doing good, ma'am. 58 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:09,271 {\an8}'Can I ask you to put that gun down?' 59 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,857 Oh-ho, don't point it at me. 60 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,275 This is my gun, this own alone to me. 61 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:14,902 This belong to me and I'm fine. 62 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:15,777 I'm glad, but put it down, ma'am. 63 00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:18,488 I'mma put it right here, but you know what? 64 00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:19,781 What happened here is not my fault. 65 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:22,868 Put, it, set it on that chair right there. 66 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:25,621 I just had to take care of my business today, okay? 67 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,664 I don't know. I'm gonna keep this. 68 00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:29,291 - Sister, what happened? - Girl, okay. 69 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:31,501 This man come up here and livin' in my house 70 00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,795 run off my baby daddy, okay? 71 00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:35,464 I had to be livin' up here with him 72 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,300 and he went out to truck and got this skanky little woman 73 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:39,009 talkin' about that's his cousin 74 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,053 can she stay with us for a while. 75 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,512 - No, he didn't! - Yes he did! 76 00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:43,805 What she look like? 77 00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:45,557 'Oh, girl, she look like Mariah Carey on crack.' 78 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:48,685 - What he look like? - He looked like Danny Glover. 79 00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:51,188 I'mma hook you up. I'm gonna hook you up today. 80 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:53,482 - Oh, thank you. - Huh? 81 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:56,401 Huh? We gonna take this right on up in the house. 82 00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:58,403 - Come on. - No, no! Ho! 83 00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:02,157 I'm gonna call this in, Rae. I will call this in. 84 00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:04,326 - You need to calm down. - He is not gonna play her! 85 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:06,286 I'll go in there and talk to the man, alright? 86 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:08,330 No, I'mma go and talk 'cause you gonna talk. 87 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:09,456 I'm gonna mace. I'm gonna use mace. 88 00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:12,000 No! Ho, ho, ho! 89 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:14,670 - Ho, ho, ho, ho! No! No! - Get him, girl! 90 00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:18,507 - No, no! No! No! No! - Get him! 91 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,175 No! No! 92 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,596 {\an8}Who-Who do I think is the father of Clementine's baby? 93 00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:30,852 {\an8}I was looking for the phone book. I was gonna go, brrp! 94 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:41,029 He right about that 'cause there ain't no telling. Uh-uh. 95 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:43,074 We have a phone book, usually. It would have been funnier. 96 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,289 {\an8}Hey. 97 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:55,043 What in the Sam heck you kids doin' up here? 98 00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,962 Do you know you're not supposed to be up here, right? 99 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,547 - You want to go to jail? - You want to go? 100 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,674 You wanna, you wanna, you wanna go to the booty house? 101 00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:02,718 - 'Okay.' - 'Cause we'll go. 102 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,886 We'll go, okay? 103 00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:07,889 So what are you doing up here for real? 104 00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:10,350 Trying to jump over on to the other roof. 105 00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:12,894 You're trying to jump over this ramp on your bike 106 00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:13,603 to the other roof? 107 00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:15,565 Yeah. 108 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,236 Oh, man. 109 00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:23,530 - Oh, no! - Oh! No. 110 00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:25,449 - 'Hell, no!' - Whoo, that's a long way. 111 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,576 You honestly believe you can just take that little bike 112 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:30,078 over that ramp, across the other side? 113 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,913 - Yeah, I can make it. - You can make it? 114 00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:33,540 - Yeah, I bet you I can make it. - Oh, you bet. 115 00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:34,624 - He bets you. - He bets you. 116 00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:37,753 Okay, Kenny Rogers, Mr. Gambler. 117 00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:38,754 'I'll tell you what, I got...' 118 00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:40,464 Look at that, I got $5. What do you got, Jones? 119 00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:43,425 I got... What do I got? I got, I got $3. 120 00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,052 You know what that is? That's eight. 121 00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:47,471 Eight Reno, Nevada, Washoe County, American dollars 122 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,931 says that you cannot jump over that ramp 123 00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:51,391 and make it to the other side. 124 00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:52,642 I'll take that bet. 125 00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:55,312 - Okay. - Whoo! 126 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,439 - 'Let's go!' - 'Go, champ.' 127 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,565 'Go, go, go, go!' 128 00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:02,653 'Go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go!' 129 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:10,077 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 130 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,828 - Holy ***. - ***. 131 00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:13,121 Goddamnit. 132 00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:14,498 - Go, go, go, go! - Should we call a medic? 133 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:15,624 No, hell, no. They'll know we're here. 134 00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:25,175 {\an8}Clemmy's unborn child... 135 00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:28,929 {\an8}...is, hopefully, gonna be a bastard 136 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,764 because I'll tell you, I've seen some of the men 137 00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,100 that she's spent time with. 138 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,770 And A, half of 'em are not... 139 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,147 ...you know, white. 140 00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:40,690 And B, the other half 141 00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:45,654 are, uh, no more than above a fifth-grade education. 142 00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:49,116 {\an8}Uh, ladies and gentlemen, excuse me 143 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,451 if I can interrupt your meals for one second here. 144 00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:53,537 I know you don't know me, but, um, I just 145 00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:56,665 I'm compelled to tell you that I'm gonna be a daddy. 146 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:59,126 - 'Whoo!' - 'I'm the new dad.' 147 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:00,628 Thank you, thank you. Cheers. 148 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:06,049 - Mm... - Mm... 149 00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:08,094 You know it isn't yours, right? 150 00:07:09,428 --> 00:07:09,845 Check. 151 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:18,019 {\an8}Okey-doke, it is 1600 hours 152 00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:22,149 {\an8}and we are staking out the hotel room of Luis Hernandez 153 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:25,026 known drug trafficker. We've got a little heads-up. 154 00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:27,028 'he's got a deal going down here, and, uh--' 155 00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:28,697 'How long we've been here, Dangle?' 156 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:31,199 We've been here three hours and one quarter. 157 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,786 - 'Damn. It does not fly.' - 'Yeah.' 158 00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:37,789 Gimme those for a second. Check out room six. 159 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,167 We're supposed to be watching room five. 160 00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:42,878 No, I know. I know. Room five, he's not doing anything. 161 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:43,753 Oh, my *** God! 162 00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:46,214 - What? - 'That's Leonard Nimoy.' 163 00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:47,716 You're supposed to keep the camera on this guy-- 164 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,926 Here, I'll put this one over here. 165 00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:51,511 'That's not Leonard Nimoy.' 166 00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:52,345 'Why would Leonard Nimoy' 167 00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:54,389 'be staying at a place like this?' 168 00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:55,682 Hello! He's keeping a low profile. 169 00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:59,186 Pfft! Leonard Nimoy's already got a low profile 170 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,145 'cause he's Leonard Nimoy. 171 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,439 That's about as low-profile as you can get 172 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,900 unless maybe you're that kid who played Chachi. 173 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,067 Like, that's-that's low. 174 00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:07,944 You're comparing 175 00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:10,238 Mr. Spock to Chachi? 176 00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:13,158 Chachi's not an icon. There aren't Chachi conventions. 177 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,827 He and Chachi should be on the same goddamn TV show. 178 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:18,747 If they were doin', like, some kind of "Remember The '70s" 179 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,582 then both of them would be on it, it'd be like 180 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,584 "Hey, Chachi, why don't you shake hands with Dr. Spock?" 181 00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:23,752 You're denying... Holy ***. 182 00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:26,254 He's checking the door again. What's going on? 183 00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:28,256 Oh, ***. 184 00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:30,634 - 'No, no, nothin'.' - No. 185 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:34,262 I thought we had some drug-deal action. No, screw that. 186 00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:36,765 'The only person here having an okay time is Leonard Nimoy.' 187 00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:37,807 'Oh, that is not Leonard Nimoy.' 188 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,601 'It is.' 189 00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:42,312 {\an8}The question, who is Clemmy's baby 190 00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,272 {\an8}is, like, the million-dollar question. 191 00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:46,233 {\an8}It's like the-the question of the century. 192 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:48,818 {\an8}It's like, "Who shot J.R.?" 193 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:51,279 It could be, it could be anybody. 194 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,865 Well, and J.R., it was only a very limited number of people 195 00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:56,618 who could have shot J.R. 196 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:58,286 Dallas is huge. Do you know how huge? 197 00:08:58,287 --> 00:08:59,246 Yeah, but the show "Dallas" 198 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,915 wasn't about every single person in Dallas. 199 00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:05,043 It was about the, the Ewing family. 200 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:05,794 It wasn't like that was a cast of 201 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,922 what, 2.5 million? 202 00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,674 You saw the Ewing family and that was it. 203 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:14,302 So "Who shot J.R.?" was basically, like, three people. 204 00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:16,763 Okay, the question, the question at hand is, "Who tapped Clemmy?" 205 00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:19,684 - You. - Yes. 206 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:21,893 {\an8}Some of you may or may not know, uh 207 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:24,729 {\an8}prostitution is legal in the state of Nevada. 208 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:28,316 {\an8}Uh, that would, of course, cover Reno. 209 00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,443 Uh, so right now 210 00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:32,112 we're pulling up to a place called the Chicken Hole 211 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:35,407 uh, an establishment run by our friend, Claire. 212 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,825 You'd think the things that they do in here would relax somebody 213 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,827 but it has the opposite effect. 214 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,162 - How you doin'? - Hey, come on in. 215 00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:42,664 - Hi, Claire - Come here, baby. 216 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,916 - What's going on, sweetie? - 'Well, I don't...' 217 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,168 You know what, honest to God, I swear to Christ, I don't know. 218 00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:48,670 I didn't call. The [bleep] upstairs called. 219 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:51,923 I called you this time. I called you this time. 220 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:54,342 Yeah, the shoe's on the other foot. Check this out. 221 00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:56,803 Shut up! Shut up! 222 00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:59,389 Hey, Jones, get over here! 223 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,307 Hey, come on, let's go. Come on. 224 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:01,725 'Let me show you something.' 225 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,310 'Alright, look, look, let me just tell you.' 226 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,019 - Let me just tell you, okay? - Okay. 227 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,895 I just finished my lovemakin'. 228 00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:08,356 I just did my-my lovemakin' over there, alright? 229 00:10:08,357 --> 00:10:10,233 I wanna clean myself off, I want to take a shower 230 00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:12,360 so I can be respectable. I walk in here. Look at this. 231 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,529 Look, look, look, look at all these walls, empty. 232 00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:15,989 No, there's not a sign in here that says 233 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:18,033 "Employees must wash hands." That's state of Nevada law! 234 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:20,535 'That's because it's a whorehouse, you ***.' 235 00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,495 You still got to be clean, whores! 236 00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:23,830 But you're loud, okay? You know what? 237 00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:27,500 How many times you've been here, Andrew, 25, 26? 238 00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:28,543 And today you're gonna complain-- 239 00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,211 Today's the day that you complain about the damn-- 240 00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:31,796 Let me tell you something, it's been brewing. 241 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,340 It's been brewing 'cause I'm thinking about myself. 242 00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:35,050 I'm thinking today. I'm finishin' my lovemakin'. 243 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,177 I got juices all over me. I got my male juices. 244 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:40,055 I got the female juices on me. When you blink, you got juices. 245 00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,556 There's, there's juices everywhere. 246 00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:42,682 But let me tell you something. 247 00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:43,892 So I got to clean those juices off. 248 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,393 When I walk in here, no one else 249 00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,062 is cleaning their juice. I'm like, "My God!" 250 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,564 "I'm makin' love in juice." But let me tell you something-- 251 00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:52,400 You know, if you wanna wash, go to a KOA campground 252 00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:54,402 pay-pay a quarter for a goddamn shower. 253 00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:56,613 Oh, she says, "Thank you." Like, I get that reference. 254 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:57,781 Okay, okay, shut the fuck up, bitch! 255 00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:00,033 You want a shower? Let's get a shower. 256 00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:03,078 - Oh, you wanna go there-- - Take your shower-- 257 00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,913 - Yeah. There you go-- - All clean now-- 258 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,415 - 'Boo!' - There you go-- 259 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,252 Alright, you know what? I don't care... 260 00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:12,921 {\an8}- Ladies, call your congressmen! - Boo! 261 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:17,092 'Boo! Boo!' 262 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,136 'Okay, ladies, call your congressmen!' 263 00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,769 {\an8}You know, I don't know if Clementine Johnson 264 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,229 {\an8}can be a good mom. 265 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,815 {\an8}That's a hearty adjective for that woman. Hell, no. 266 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,901 To be honest, if she don't have a paternal figure in her life 267 00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:37,278 that baby's gonna run around naked 268 00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:38,405 peeing on everything and... 269 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:41,116 It's basically gonna be like a stray cat, you know 270 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:44,577 that just pees on all the furniture. 271 00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:46,704 I-I think she's gonna need some help. 272 00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:48,331 'Alright, uh' 273 00:11:48,332 --> 00:11:51,251 {\an8}I'll go with the, uh, vegetarian pizza 274 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:55,130 and, uh, quesadilla chicken. 275 00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:57,425 She will have something of less than or equal value. 276 00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:03,305 Uh, just, uh, popcorn chicken, I guess. 277 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,932 - Hope-- - Yeah, I'm in a bad spot. 278 00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:08,017 Yeah, I know you are. 279 00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,894 'I-I happen to think it's a good spot.' 280 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:13,106 'I sure would, uh, jump at this great opportunity' 281 00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:16,317 'to, you know, be a dad.' 282 00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:17,902 Aw. 283 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:20,029 I just, uh... 284 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,532 Uh, sorry about that, I just... 285 00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,242 I think I'm good with kids 286 00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:26,870 and got a couple of houseplants that have never died, so... 287 00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:30,498 Well, that is sweet. 288 00:12:30,499 --> 00:12:32,501 I appreciate that. Um... 289 00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:36,838 You are... 290 00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,506 ...pretty high up on my list of people 291 00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:40,467 that I will be asking 292 00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:44,054 to be a candidate for, uh... 293 00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,015 ...marriage or... 294 00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:49,643 ...you know, being my baby's dad. Um... 295 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:53,229 There's a few people before you on that list. 296 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:57,025 - Okay. Alright. - Let me contact those people. 297 00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,526 'And if nothing works out' 298 00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:02,363 'then I will consider what you're saying' 299 00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:05,116 and I will, uh, get back to you. 300 00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:07,911 Oh, sure, I'm willing to put that in writing, too. 301 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,871 I'll just, you know, send you an e-mail. 302 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,831 Let me let you know. I'll let you know. 303 00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:13,208 Okay. 304 00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:14,918 {\an8}You are out of your *** mind. 305 00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:15,919 {\an8}- That is not Leonard Nimoy. - It is. 306 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,338 - 'It cannot be.' - 'It is.' 307 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:19,756 'Stop saying it isn't, because it is.' 308 00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,257 'That is not Leonard Nimoy.' 309 00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:23,510 Why don't we go ask? Why don't we just go ask? 310 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:24,928 - Go. You ask. - I will. 311 00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,679 'You're the one who thinks he's Leonard Nimoy.' 312 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,848 Oh, hey, will you keep an eye on five? 313 00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:29,891 Just watch the thing, and if it runs out of tape 314 00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,936 you just got to switch the tape. 315 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:34,938 Hey. 316 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,064 - Hi. - Hi. 317 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,065 - How you doing? - Doing okay. 318 00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:39,609 - You... - Am I in trouble? 319 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,694 No? You're not Leonard Nimoy, are you? 320 00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:45,073 - Oh, no. - Oh, that's what I said! 321 00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,742 - I lost thirty five dollars. - Thirty five? 322 00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:49,035 You look so much like Leonard Nimoy 323 00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:50,328 it's, like, not even funny. 324 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:50,954 Yeah, he thought that you were the real deal. 325 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,081 I swear, I swear, I swear. 326 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,582 I thought you were just absolutely Leonard Nimoy. 327 00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:55,500 Where were you guys? 328 00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:59,921 Yeah, we're, uh, we're doing a stakeout. 329 00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:02,882 'Do people tell you you look like Leonard Nimoy?' 330 00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,133 'Yeah, yeah. No, yeah, well, that's why I'm here in town.' 331 00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:06,094 'I'm doing a, I'm like a look-alike' 332 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:08,096 'that does conventions.' 333 00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,431 - '"Star Trek" conventions.' - 'Ah!' 334 00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:12,308 'Okay, you were part right. You were half right.' 335 00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:14,018 See, I was very... 336 00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:17,438 - No, it ain't him. It ain't-- - It's not Leonard Nimoy. 337 00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:19,065 We got a camera crew and everything. 338 00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:20,483 - He's waving at us. - Oh, is it like-- 339 00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:22,569 - Hi. - His name is Stu. 340 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:25,071 Yeah, stop wavin' at us. We see you. How you doin'? 341 00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:26,948 What, is that like that "Cops" or something? 342 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:27,991 'Yeah, it's like a TV thing.' 343 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,121 'Do you think you can get us into this convention' 344 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,957 'that's in town? Think you can do it?' 345 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:36,624 'Yeah, think I can get...' 346 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:39,002 Yeah, it's 75 bucks to get in. 347 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:41,629 I think what I could do for you guys is make sure... 348 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,256 'Well, you know what I'll do is I'll tell them' 349 00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:44,757 ''cause I get one. I get one comp.' 350 00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:46,009 'Can we say we're with Stu?' 351 00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,677 'Yeah, say you're with Stu, that be...' 352 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,680 'I'll get you the comp some way. We can work that out.' 353 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:51,139 'Or I'll leave it at...' 354 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,267 'What is that?' 355 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,643 That sounds like a leaf-blower. 356 00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:56,978 Yeah, somebody's blowing leaves. 357 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:59,147 You know what, they, they should have an ordinance. 358 00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:01,482 'Well, do you guys have..' 359 00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,610 They did an ordinance, but I still see people 360 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:06,029 'with gas blowers out there. You know what I mean?' 361 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,071 'Oh, I'll get you the comp some way.' 362 00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:09,824 Seventy five bucks for two of you, instead of one. 363 00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:10,992 - 'Say, we'll--' - 'Yeah!' 364 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:13,453 'And then maybe we can get a beer or somethin', too?' 365 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:15,997 We can also show you Reno. Reno can be a very fun town. 366 00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,290 I feel like a celebrity or something. 367 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,541 Yeah, well, you look like one. 368 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:21,336 - That's funny. - Alright. 369 00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:24,422 {\an8}Good morning. I'm, uh... 370 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:27,467 {\an8}My name's Kevin Donnelly. I'm moving in next door. 371 00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:28,509 I just thought I'd come by 372 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,178 and, uh... kind of tell you 373 00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,513 a little bit about myself. 374 00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:34,433 - And? - I'm a, uh... 375 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,685 Divorced. 376 00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:40,355 Um, I'm looking... 377 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,147 In between jobs right now 378 00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:44,067 somewhat of a foodie, a gourmand. 379 00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:46,235 - A convicted sex offender. - 'Right.' 380 00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:48,863 I play, uh... 381 00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:52,700 I-I-I play chess not very well. 382 00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,160 No, back up to the-- 383 00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:55,536 - The other thing? - Yeah. 384 00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:57,163 - That's really why we're here. - I'm a foodie. 385 00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,164 - And so I cook a lot-- - 'No, no, no.' 386 00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:01,209 What? 387 00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,587 Don't, don't be cute, Kevin. 388 00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:08,007 Uh, I am a convicted sex offender 389 00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:09,175 whatever that means. 390 00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:10,385 - 'Right.' - 'And--' 391 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:12,220 The court has said that he needs to go around 392 00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:15,890 {\an8}and get these signatures just to know, just so-- 393 00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:18,059 It-it-it's total, it's a formality. 394 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,519 It just says-- 395 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,062 It's for your protection, ma'am. 396 00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:23,189 In fairness, it's for both of our protection. 397 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:25,191 So this sheet of paper basically says 398 00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:28,570 you stay on your lawn and I'll stay on mine. 399 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:30,738 'No, that's not what the...' 400 00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:31,781 The piece of paper says 401 00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:34,409 you got a pervert moving into the neighborhood. 402 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,202 I feel like you're putting, uh, your spin 403 00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:37,287 on sex offenders. 404 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,046 {\an8}I do not know if Clemmy's gonna be a good mom. 405 00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:48,549 {\an8}I think, uh... 406 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:52,301 I think Clemmy havin' a little daughter 407 00:16:52,302 --> 00:16:56,556 is like a "Jerry Springer" episode just waitin' to happen 408 00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,433 but I do think that in 18 years 409 00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,101 that is gonna be one hell of a tag team. 410 00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:01,644 One hell of a tag team. 411 00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:04,605 {\an8}- Phew. - Whoo. Whoo-whoo! 412 00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:06,900 {\an8}- Hope I'm still around. - Yeah. Whoo. 413 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,236 - Um... - How you doin'? 414 00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:12,321 Hi, my name's Kevin. 415 00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:15,783 - I'm moving in next door. - Stop. 416 00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:18,036 I'm a convicted sex offender. 417 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,038 Can you sign this, please? 418 00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:22,708 Here's my thing. 419 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,251 I see the van. 420 00:17:25,252 --> 00:17:27,795 I live right next door, I don't wanna 421 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,005 have to be looking at your van 422 00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:30,465 parked in the driveway every time I get up. 423 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,925 'You have a garage. You know what I mean?' 424 00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:34,177 The city asked me to come by 425 00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:37,305 'cause they're asking everybody, all my neighbors to sign this. 426 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:41,768 And it's-it's standard, you know, it just says I'm moving in 427 00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,311 you know that I'm moving in 428 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:44,145 'cause I'm a convicted sex offender 429 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,314 and, uh, you're-you're good with that 430 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,816 and so, uh... 431 00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:51,611 And, you know, also, you can indicate your level of 432 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,864 if you're, uh, psyched or not. 433 00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,949 This might be... 434 00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:58,326 You know, feel free to say no to this question. 435 00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:01,371 - Mm-hmm. - What... 436 00:18:05,083 --> 00:18:07,001 What time do you get off? 437 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:12,340 So listen, um, you know, I brought you here 438 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,259 because I had something important to ask you. 439 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:19,764 Um, you know I'm in kind of a spot right now 440 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:22,433 and, uh, I, I got myself in a position 441 00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,852 where I really need some help 442 00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:28,564 and, um, I'm, uh, really kind of running out of options here 443 00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:30,358 and I was just wondering 444 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,568 if you had any interest 445 00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:35,196 in maybe, uh, marrying me 446 00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:36,989 and being the father of my child. 447 00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:38,992 You know, so how about it? 448 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,246 Of course! 449 00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:44,872 Why didn't you ask me first? 450 00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:47,542 - Are you serious? - Oh, I was hoping you'd ask! 451 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,211 Oh, oh, God! Oh... 452 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:51,712 You'd heard what I asked you, right? 453 00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:53,214 I know. I was hoping you would ask. 454 00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,383 Do you know how happy this will make my mother? 455 00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:06,352 - 'What's that thing?' - Highly illogical. 456 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:11,816 - He is good. - 'I've never seen the show.' 457 00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,025 'I've never seen the show.' 458 00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:17,823 - Hi. - Hi. Uh... 459 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,910 Guess who's not havin' a baby! 460 00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:25,872 - 'Alright.' - Oh, my God! 461 00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,583 - Very good, very good. - I am not having a baby. 462 00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:32,378 - Congratulations. - 'Isn't that great?' 463 00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:35,423 It turns out it was just an abscess in my lady regions. 464 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:38,509 They drained it today, everything is cool. 465 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,428 And I'm ready to drink. 466 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:42,555 Hey, Pete, gin and tonic for Clemmy. 467 00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:46,767 Wow! Thank you so much. 468 00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:48,728 'Thank you. Oh.' 469 00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:51,063 Hey, Dangle, next time. 470 00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:52,106 - Next time. - Next time. 471 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,067 Here's to Clemmy's giant cyst. 472 00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:56,277 - 'Yes, yes. Thank you.' - 'Hear, hear.' 473 00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:59,906 When I had a, I had a chocolate cyst removed 474 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,616 and they don't get it, they can't get it all. 475 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:02,992 - 'Okay.' - So you still... 476 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:05,077 And plus the gas that they have to shoot into your belly 477 00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:06,829 makes your belly distended for a while. 478 00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:08,623 You're gonna be having some gas for a little while. 479 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,583 - 'Let's get that.' - 'Listen, chocolate--' 480 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:13,294 Stu, I should explain. Wiegel's *** crazy. 481 00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,503 - 'Yeah.' - Oh. 482 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:20,552 {\an8}Get your weed, boy. 483 00:20:23,221 --> 00:20:24,972 - Two, three. Go, go, go, go! - Three. 484 00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:28,351 - Go! - Early lead! No! Yes! 485 00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,228 - Whoo! - 'Ooh!' 486 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:34,107 {\an8}Whoo! Ha-ha-ha. 487 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:35,650 Sorry, mom. 488 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,319 I love you, mommy. I love you. 489 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,365 That's a game we used to play when I was little. 490 00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:46,494 {\an8}Watch this. Watch this. 491 00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,996 {\an8}Find the sloppy joe, find the sloppy joe. 492 00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:50,957 {\an8}'Yeah. Yeah.' 493 00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:52,459 {\an8}Good dog. Good dog. 494 00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:55,503 Wasn't hidden too hard, but, uh, he found it, though, right? 495 00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:58,130 Hey, good dog. 496 00:20:58,131 --> 00:20:59,507 Mm. 497 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,979 {\an8}Can you check my scoliosis? 498 00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:15,189 {\an8}- Oh. - Oh. Oh, my God. No. 499 00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:17,358 {\an8}This shoulder's lower than this shoulder, right? 500 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,444 {\an8}Yeah, I can see that. Yes, it is a little bit misaligned. 501 00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:21,696 {\an8}- 'Oh.' - 'Oh, come on.' 502 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:24,699 {\an8}Oh, let's not, let's not see your scoliosis. 503 00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:26,200 {\an8}'If you could come to my office' 504 00:21:26,201 --> 00:21:28,327 {\an8}'in about, uh, an hour and a half' 505 00:21:28,328 --> 00:21:30,413 {\an8}I'd be glad to give you a full workup. 506 00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:32,623 {\an8}Thank you, I just had one two days ago 507 00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:35,042 {\an8}but you know, you always got to be on top of it. 508 00:21:35,043 --> 00:21:37,044 {\an8}Did-Did your test... 509 00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,172 {\an8}Can it show if an adult woman is retarded?